If I were to describe my blog writing style in two words, it would be consistently inconsistent. However, one could probably apply that description to me in general. I don’t mean it to be, I have an ever-running stream of thoughts, words and ideas running through my brain constantly. It’s just finding and more often making the time, to put that jumble onto paper, in a way that makes sense, and is hopefully relatable in some way to others. I’m starting this stream of consciousness sitting next to a stream, halfway though my second hike of the weekend.
I came up to Cache valley to take care of a personal matter and had to also visit my favorite hikes. My brain said, oh your heart has been in a lot of pain lately, let’s make your whole body feel that way! I’m not sure if it was a completely conscious or intentional thought. Hike #1 was the first stop in taking care of the personal matte. I’ve spent hours upon hours up this canyon when I lived here years ago. Up until today, I had no idea that particular hike was rated hard. And man, did I FEEL the hard yesterday. On top of being in mediocre physical shape currently, I don’t know you if you have ever tried to cry while simultaneously hiking while simultaneously being out of breath. It felt like the last bad anxiety/panic attack I had; but I was sweaty and climbing a mountain instead of sitting on a chair in my apartment. But fuck you mountain, I have a specific destination in sight, and I WILL get there…
August 14, 20203
Today, I thought I’d do an easier and shorter hike to stretch my muscles before getting back in the car to make the 3 hour drive home. I know most of you have never hiked with me, but I don’t really know how to take it easy. I always tell myself, “The up is for the work out, the way back is for taking pictures” I should know myself better by now. There is zero-point in pushing myself today, I have no time constraints, except for I said I was going to hike… and this is how I hike. But, I hiked like I normally do anyway, trying to physically force the internal soul pain, into physical pain instead.
This weekend has left me emotionally drained, but also soulfully filled. I needed 8+ cumulative hours without cell service or being in contact with anyone. I needed to be on 2 of my most favorite hikes, spent with my best hiking buddy.
August 15, 2026
I wrote this blip, less than 2 months after losing my soul dog in her physical form. I was broken, again. I felt like I was barely starting to feel like more than a shell of a human since a break up, relocation, and starting a new job. I truly feel my sweet girl valiantly stayed with me longer to ensure I was going to be okay. There is absolutely no way I could have fathomed or endured doing all of that without her. It sounds dramatic, but that dog was there with me through SO much, good and bad. There are still days I wake up looking for her, cry with immense grief over the life we are missing together, and the reassurance that comes from knowing that great love begat great grief.
Adventures In A Subaru 